The Lost DSi Saga

Last week Abe left his hand held gaming system the Nintendo DSi, on the bus.  We heard a cry outside that sounded so primal I thought at first it was a cat's yowl.  Abe is usually pretty good about not losing his precious equipment.  He left it one other time and we were able to get to the bus at the last stop and get it back.  Luckily, it seems that my husband seems to always be home when this happens.  I tried to calm Abe down while my husband went to call the bus company.  Unfortunately, the run was over and the bus driver told the dispatcher that he looked for the game system but didn't find it.  Abe was beside himself with despair.  We told him that we would replace everything but he wanted his old stuff back.  He was ready to bang his head on the floor or chase every bus in the neighborhood in his crazy upset state.  We got him calmed down and told him that we would ask the kids on the bus the next day.  Our concern was that he would interrogate the other kids inappropriately.  We drove Abe to school the next day and left an Email message for the school psychologist.  That afternoon she calls me back.  Abe has had a good day and she has been busy dealing with other crises so she hasn't been able to prepare him for dealing with the bus.  She wanted us to pick him up from school and she would deal with it the next day.  My response was that I was happy to pick him up but that someone had to go check the bus and ank the kids if anyone found it.  How long could I ask Abe to wait without closure?  If he wanted to go to the bus it was going to be difficult to get him into my car.   Luckily, Abe has a 1:1 and I suggested that he go to the bus and ask about the DSi.   Amazingly, it turns out that the 1:1 aide found it!   It was still on the floor of the bus.  I'm not sure that we would have been so lucky had we waited a second day.  What was disturbing about the whole experience was that the school pychologist didn't want to deal with the situation because she had other crises to deal with.  The thing that we have to remember is that school psychologists are very overburdened and often only deal with things in a reactionary manner.  Since my son was having a good day so far, why not wait until there was some time to deal with it?  What most of us parents know is that it is better to be proactive than reactive.  If we had not had someone check the bus we might have had a difficult situation on our hands.  It was important for me to get through to the school psychologist that we had to do something to help Abe in this situation that day in order to allow him to remain calm.  I don't know what would have happened if Abe hadn't had his own personal aide that could check the bus.  I might have had to go to the school myself.  Because we usually are only dealing with our child's needs it is hard to accept that our child might be only one of many that the staff must deal with on a daily basis.  The paradox is that the better your child behaves, the less attention they get. 
      We thought that we had dodged a bullet, but it turns out that the very next day Abe left his DSi in the lunchroom in the morning and by the time he realized it, it was gone.  He did freak out and try to use the loudspeaker system to ask about the game but was able to restrain himself when told that he couldn't do it.  The principal did make and announcement and Abe searched the school but alas, it was gone for good.  Abe was ready to stay at school all night until he found it but we managed to talk him out of it.   In the end we replaced the system and the missing games he had in his case and except for a big financial hit on our part, things have returned to normal.  The hardest part is trying to explain to my other kids why I replace Abe's stuff when he loses it but I don't replace their stuff right away if they lose it.  They know Abe is different and can't cope with stuff as well as they can but I can imagine that it is hard for them that Abe seems to get so much more than they do.

The homework meltdown

    In the High School the teachers make a big deal about doing homework.  The science teacher makes a point that if the homework isn't done on time you get a zero.  No Makeups!  Abe usually does his homework so it isn't an issue. Except today, he forgot to write it down.   The aide is supposed to prompt him to write the homework if he hasn't done so by himself.  There is a target sheet that comes home every day and today it says that the aide prompted Abe to write the homework and that it was written.   Today's page in his agenda was blank so I don't know what happened.  As a backup, the teachers are supposed to post the homework on a computer program that we can access.  I looked it up and yesterday's homework was listed on today's date.  Today's homework wasn't there.  Time for a major meltdown!  Abe got so agitated he was banging his head on the floor.  He was never a head banger as a child but lately he has been hurting himself in order to punish himself for doing something wrong ( such as forgetting his homework).  I tried to tell him that we would let the teacher know what happened and he wouldn't get a zero but Abe didn't believe me.  To Abe what the teacher says is the law.  I tried to get him to remember his classmates' names so we could try to get the phone number but he only knew one kid's full name and of course, that kid wasn't in the book.  I also suggested that he could answer all the questions on the topic they learned today (there were 5) but to Abe, doing extra homework was not acceptable either.  This is the type of situation where you have to make the best of a bad situation and this is exactly what Abe has trouble with.  I think that HS is making him stressed out.         Eventually, after much screaming, crying and agitation, Abe calmed down.  He agreed that I could write a note and he tried to do the rest of his homework.  Tomorrow I will be on the phone with the school psychologist to make sure that the science teacher doesn't penalize him.  Abe has a behavior plan that says you should only use positives and not punishment but of course, I don't know if the teacher will actually follow through.  One thing though, we have to help Abe understand that the world is flexible and that we can help make it better for him.  He is trying so hard to follow the rules set out for the general ed. students but he doesn't understand that accomodations can be made when necessary.

The Honors Track

Well, we managed to convince Abe to change classes.  He only didn't want to do it because he hates change so we sweetened the deal with a video game (compliments of grandma!).  So far the transition has been good.  The social studies class is pretty similar but the English class is at a whole other level.  There is a lot more work and the teacher is actually requiring them to write regularly in their "Writer's Notebook".  Some nights the vast majority of Abe's HW is from English.  I think it is good for him to be challenged rather than skate by.  Also, having English first rather than 9th period is good for him.  Now he has art 9th period which is perfect for him.  The thing that is really great is that when Abe is challenged I get to see how competent he can be academically.  The class is reading Gilgamesh and Abe is handling the work and the analysis without any difficulty.  The hardest part is that Abe has trouble focusing after school.  I tried to get him to do his homework right when he got home but he needs to unwind and chill out and refuses to do it.  Later on he is willing to do it but finds he loses focus and can't do all of it.  We end up waking him up early which can be stressful because eventually he has to stop working and get ready for school.  I know that I can request modified homework if need be but I would rather try to solve this without having to reduce his work. Abe can do his homework in resource room but he forgot it there once and since then has been reluctant to do it there.  Abe only has resource room to give him some space in his schedule and we are trying to work out with the teacher what he should do there.  Abe would like to be able to play on computer and personally if he needs that it isn't the end of the world.  The teacher want to do something "constructive" and I hope it doesn't end up making resource room a stressful place.