The Lost DSi Saga

Last week Abe left his hand held gaming system the Nintendo DSi, on the bus.  We heard a cry outside that sounded so primal I thought at first it was a cat's yowl.  Abe is usually pretty good about not losing his precious equipment.  He left it one other time and we were able to get to the bus at the last stop and get it back.  Luckily, it seems that my husband seems to always be home when this happens.  I tried to calm Abe down while my husband went to call the bus company.  Unfortunately, the run was over and the bus driver told the dispatcher that he looked for the game system but didn't find it.  Abe was beside himself with despair.  We told him that we would replace everything but he wanted his old stuff back.  He was ready to bang his head on the floor or chase every bus in the neighborhood in his crazy upset state.  We got him calmed down and told him that we would ask the kids on the bus the next day.  Our concern was that he would interrogate the other kids inappropriately.  We drove Abe to school the next day and left an Email message for the school psychologist.  That afternoon she calls me back.  Abe has had a good day and she has been busy dealing with other crises so she hasn't been able to prepare him for dealing with the bus.  She wanted us to pick him up from school and she would deal with it the next day.  My response was that I was happy to pick him up but that someone had to go check the bus and ank the kids if anyone found it.  How long could I ask Abe to wait without closure?  If he wanted to go to the bus it was going to be difficult to get him into my car.   Luckily, Abe has a 1:1 and I suggested that he go to the bus and ask about the DSi.   Amazingly, it turns out that the 1:1 aide found it!   It was still on the floor of the bus.  I'm not sure that we would have been so lucky had we waited a second day.  What was disturbing about the whole experience was that the school pychologist didn't want to deal with the situation because she had other crises to deal with.  The thing that we have to remember is that school psychologists are very overburdened and often only deal with things in a reactionary manner.  Since my son was having a good day so far, why not wait until there was some time to deal with it?  What most of us parents know is that it is better to be proactive than reactive.  If we had not had someone check the bus we might have had a difficult situation on our hands.  It was important for me to get through to the school psychologist that we had to do something to help Abe in this situation that day in order to allow him to remain calm.  I don't know what would have happened if Abe hadn't had his own personal aide that could check the bus.  I might have had to go to the school myself.  Because we usually are only dealing with our child's needs it is hard to accept that our child might be only one of many that the staff must deal with on a daily basis.  The paradox is that the better your child behaves, the less attention they get. 
      We thought that we had dodged a bullet, but it turns out that the very next day Abe left his DSi in the lunchroom in the morning and by the time he realized it, it was gone.  He did freak out and try to use the loudspeaker system to ask about the game but was able to restrain himself when told that he couldn't do it.  The principal did make and announcement and Abe searched the school but alas, it was gone for good.  Abe was ready to stay at school all night until he found it but we managed to talk him out of it.   In the end we replaced the system and the missing games he had in his case and except for a big financial hit on our part, things have returned to normal.  The hardest part is trying to explain to my other kids why I replace Abe's stuff when he loses it but I don't replace their stuff right away if they lose it.  They know Abe is different and can't cope with stuff as well as they can but I can imagine that it is hard for them that Abe seems to get so much more than they do.

Forgetting Things

Last time I posted I wrote about Abe forgetting to write down his homework. It turns out that the aide had prompted him but had forgotten to check that Abe had actually followed through.   On Sunday, Abe couldn't find his homework folder that had all his homework dittos in it.  He miraculously remained calm, having learned the lesson of the magic letter from mom.  The aide wrote to me that he had put Abe's homework folder in his science binder to keep it clean when Abe's yogurt container exploded at school.  He wrote that Abe "Saw him put it in" and must have forgotten to get it later.  I am getting the feeling that my next task will be to teach Abe's aide about executive functioning.   Executive functioning is the ability to be organized, plan, follow multi-step directions, focus on what is important etc..  As you can probably already guess, lots of kids with ADHD and ASD have trouble with this.  So when the aide prompts Abe to write down his homework, he really doesn't understand that at any moment, Abe can become distracted and forget to do it.  Similarly, just because Abe was there when his folder got placed into a binder doesn't mean that he processed what happened, or that he would remember to take it out later because he needs his homework folder to do his homework.  The challenge is that I do want Abe to be independent and be able to do these things for himself but the reality is that Abe can't handle the consequences of forgetting his stuff.  It makes him too agitated and upset,  Most kids get a lot of practice with this in younger grades when the stakes are not as high and teachers are more forgiving. Also, they can handle the occasional lapse.   Because Abe has always had an aide with him he never really had to be independent.   What I need to figure out is how to teach Abe to think things through without causing so much stress that he isn't able to handle being in a mainstream environment.

The homework meltdown

    In the High School the teachers make a big deal about doing homework.  The science teacher makes a point that if the homework isn't done on time you get a zero.  No Makeups!  Abe usually does his homework so it isn't an issue. Except today, he forgot to write it down.   The aide is supposed to prompt him to write the homework if he hasn't done so by himself.  There is a target sheet that comes home every day and today it says that the aide prompted Abe to write the homework and that it was written.   Today's page in his agenda was blank so I don't know what happened.  As a backup, the teachers are supposed to post the homework on a computer program that we can access.  I looked it up and yesterday's homework was listed on today's date.  Today's homework wasn't there.  Time for a major meltdown!  Abe got so agitated he was banging his head on the floor.  He was never a head banger as a child but lately he has been hurting himself in order to punish himself for doing something wrong ( such as forgetting his homework).  I tried to tell him that we would let the teacher know what happened and he wouldn't get a zero but Abe didn't believe me.  To Abe what the teacher says is the law.  I tried to get him to remember his classmates' names so we could try to get the phone number but he only knew one kid's full name and of course, that kid wasn't in the book.  I also suggested that he could answer all the questions on the topic they learned today (there were 5) but to Abe, doing extra homework was not acceptable either.  This is the type of situation where you have to make the best of a bad situation and this is exactly what Abe has trouble with.  I think that HS is making him stressed out.         Eventually, after much screaming, crying and agitation, Abe calmed down.  He agreed that I could write a note and he tried to do the rest of his homework.  Tomorrow I will be on the phone with the school psychologist to make sure that the science teacher doesn't penalize him.  Abe has a behavior plan that says you should only use positives and not punishment but of course, I don't know if the teacher will actually follow through.  One thing though, we have to help Abe understand that the world is flexible and that we can help make it better for him.  He is trying so hard to follow the rules set out for the general ed. students but he doesn't understand that accomodations can be made when necessary.

He's rigid because he's autistic- What's your excuse?

Abe had a problem in resource room because the teacher had promised him that he could play on the computer for five minutes at the end of the period if he did all his work nicely.  Everything went well until Abe's watch said it was five minutes until the end of the period.  The classroom clock was slow so the teacher wouldn't let him use the computer until the room clock showed the time they had agreed on.  Abe has a thing about time accuracy and his watch is synced to some satellite somewhere so he knew his time was correct.  He had a meltdown because he didn't think it was fair and ended up missing all of Social Studies because he was calming down in the psychologist's office. 
      O.K.  It would be great if Abe could cope with the fact that sometimes the person in authority is wrong but you just have to accept it and make the best of it.  However, he is not there at this point of time.  The real question is why the teacher made such a big deal out of it?  After all, he had done his work nicely the entire period.  Did a couple of minutes make a difference to her?  The point of the reinforcer is to be able to give them the reinforcer instead of getting involved in a power struggle over the time.  If she had been flexible, instead of freaking out he could have been reinforced for working well and would have happily gone off to class. Was it worth trying to control him?
     I ended up speaking to the teacher about it and she isn't a bad person.  I just think that she had no idea what she was getting into.  That's pretty scary considering that she is a special education teacher.  I did get the sense that she was willing to listen and learn, which is a good thing.  I think she felt that she needed to be the one in control but by trying to get Abe to back down she learned that Abe isn't going to back down.  Once he is in a rage state I think he is incapable of thinking clearly or backing down.  He's a different person than the sweet agreeable young man he usually is.  Let's hope that the teacher is a one trial learner.

The Honors Track

Well, we managed to convince Abe to change classes.  He only didn't want to do it because he hates change so we sweetened the deal with a video game (compliments of grandma!).  So far the transition has been good.  The social studies class is pretty similar but the English class is at a whole other level.  There is a lot more work and the teacher is actually requiring them to write regularly in their "Writer's Notebook".  Some nights the vast majority of Abe's HW is from English.  I think it is good for him to be challenged rather than skate by.  Also, having English first rather than 9th period is good for him.  Now he has art 9th period which is perfect for him.  The thing that is really great is that when Abe is challenged I get to see how competent he can be academically.  The class is reading Gilgamesh and Abe is handling the work and the analysis without any difficulty.  The hardest part is that Abe has trouble focusing after school.  I tried to get him to do his homework right when he got home but he needs to unwind and chill out and refuses to do it.  Later on he is willing to do it but finds he loses focus and can't do all of it.  We end up waking him up early which can be stressful because eventually he has to stop working and get ready for school.  I know that I can request modified homework if need be but I would rather try to solve this without having to reduce his work. Abe can do his homework in resource room but he forgot it there once and since then has been reluctant to do it there.  Abe only has resource room to give him some space in his schedule and we are trying to work out with the teacher what he should do there.  Abe would like to be able to play on computer and personally if he needs that it isn't the end of the world.  The teacher want to do something "constructive" and I hope it doesn't end up making resource room a stressful place.

Wow! A good school psychologist is worth her weight in gold

I waited all day Friday for the school psychologist to call me back.  She didn't call and I forced myself not to obsess about it over the weekend.  Today I called again and she called me right back.  It turns out that she was out on Friday.  We discussed the issues and she completely agreed with me that Abe needs to be taken out of the regular English Class.  The only problem was that the connected Social Studies honors class with the teacher with a good fit for Abe was all full.   The class with openings was with the teacher who isn't a good fit and the only reason I dropped the fight in the first place was because I didn't want him with a teacher who would stress him out.  I think the school psychologist shared my frustration with the situation and she promised me she would try to work some magic and fix it.  Amazingly, a couple of hours later she got back to me.  She had convinced the social studies teacher to take him even though the class was full and the English honors teacher agreed to take him as well.  He would have to change some other classes but would have the same teachers so it wouldn't be so bad.  I couldn't believe it.  The psychologist really listened and came through!  Of course Abe doesn't want to change classes but we'll hopefully be able to convince him it is for the best.  I can't believe that things worked out so quickly.  I guess seeing a tantrum in action gets people to move to fix it.  I warned that this could happen all last spring but it wasn't until they saw it for themselves that they really understood what I was talking about.
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Sometimes it is frustrating to be right

I sit here a very frustrated parent.  In middle school Abe was in honors English and honors Social Studies.  The social studies teacher wasn't such a good fit and she didn't really implement the IEP accomodations but we had other fish to fry and I didn't really focus on her class.  At the end of the year Abe still ended up with an average in the mid 80's.  The High School honors program had an integrated social studies and English class and you had to be recommended by both teachers.  The English teacher recommended him and the Social Studies teacher did not.  I tried to work around it, speaking to everyone I could- the guidance counselor, the English Department chair, the psychologists, the behaviorist, the Social Studies Chair.  I explained that to put Abe in a regular English class would not be good as he would be so far ahead of the other students (Abe was hyperlexic and was reading at age 2).  Unfortunately the Social Studies Chair wouldn't budge.  I found out that she was retiring and probably didn't want to bother. The HS school psychologist talked with me and said that the teacher who was teaching the social studies part of the class would not be a good fit so I dropped it.  I had already learned that with Abe, having the right kind of teacher was the most important thing.
      Fast forward to today.  I get a call from the school psychologist that Abe had a meltdown in English class during a Jeopardy game.  When I spoke with Abe he told me that the other kids on his team weren't playing competitively because they were picking the lower point questions and his team was losing.  Given that extra credit was given to the winning team, this made Abe really agitated.  It turns out that tonight was open school night so I went to meet all the teachers.  By mistake I show up in Social Studies a period early and find out that the honors social studies teacher is the same one that he has for regular social studies (talk about serendipity).  It seems that a change was made in the Fall.  When I get to English class, the teacher tells me that she understand why Abe was so frustrated.  He is so far ahead of the other kids that he finds it hard to be there.  The teacher told me that sometimes it is just she and Abe discussing the book.  She sees that he doesn't belong there.  Of course, I am now really agitated as I told them this would happen but I'm just the mom-what do I know?  So, tomorrow I start again, calling the school psychologist and trying to figure out what we should do.  Of course, since Abe  has autism and hates change, if we decide to change his schedule we will have to convince him it is a good idea.  What I really want to say is "I told you so" but of course I won't because it isn't socially appropriate.  The funny thing is the English teacher told me that when Abe says to his classmates things such as "The teacher already said that 100 times, how come you don't know it" she feels like agreeing with him.  I guess Abe says things we would all like to say but don't.